ramonat latest

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  ~1 Corinthians 13:4-5

These verses has been such a rebuke lately for me as we are waiting to see how things pan out with Nat’s job hunt.  I know that God will provide for our family and that the plans He has for our family will be good.  It is, however, difficult to trust in God’s timing when we are in the midst of job hunting.  We don’t know where we’re going to be or when a job might come around.

The main struggle I have been having is one of Nat’s interviews.  He interviewed on site.  The hiring manager wasn’t sure he would be a good fit so he setup a phone interview last week.  We have not heard any news yet.  It has been extremely hard for me to be patient and wait for them because this is the job that I want Nat to get, or at the least the company I want him to be working for.  I am really excited about the location, and Nat is excited about the work and the environment of the company.  I struggle with wondering if this excitement is from the Lord or our own desires.  We asked God to open doors and put on our hearts a location, and I feel that we can read this as an answer to prayer except for the not getting an offer part.  It’s hard for me to see why we’d get so excited about a place and things look like they’re going to work out, but they don’t.  I would like the company to get back to us and just let us know so that we can have closure.

I know the Lord is trying to teach us to trust in Him and to be patient, but it is very difficult.  It is hard for me not to have closure right now and to be patient.  I get angry that the manager hasn’t gotten back to us, but that is not showing love.  I am envious that a lot of our friends have offers and know where they’re going, but our future is still unknown.

Nat has responded much better than I have.  He is being very patient and not placing his hope on this one job.  He is still applying and interviewing for jobs until he gets an offer.  He is comforting me and telling me that everything will be alright.  I know it will be, but the waiting is very tough.  Patience is not my strong suit.

A friend was worried that we were hanging our hope on this one job.  To be honest, I am hoping and praying very hard for this job.  But, I know that my hope is not on any earthly thing, but in Christ.  Christ has reconciled us to God, the Father, through His blood.  By His blood, we are forgiven for our sins and can be in union with God.  This is our ultimate hope, and we know that.  Because of our faith in Christ and knowing that God will be faithful to us, we will submit to Him and where He would want us to go.  Yes, I would like it to be this one place, but if He calls us to go someplace else, we will go.  I might not be happy or excited, but I will go.

I was no excited to come to Illinois.  In fact, UIUC was my LAST choice of all the graduate schools that I was accepted into.  I kept praying for God to reveal His will to me, hoping it would lead to the other schools.  It was unclear for a long time until I heard our collegiate pastor preach the Sunday before I had to decide.  He said that he doesn’t know what God’s will for our lives, but sometimes you can know if it’s something that you know that you will have to trust and rely on God and step outside of your comfort zone.  As soon as that was said, I knew I was going to Illinois.  I could not believe that I would be going to the placed where I cried when I visited, but I submitted to God.  And God did amazing things in my life these past 8 years.  It was hard the first few years, and God stretched and grew me, through tears and loneliness.  But, He has also blessed me.  I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful boys, great friends, and a great church.  So, if He calls us to someplace where I don’t want to be, I will submit.  He has blessed so richly at our times here, and I know it will be no different in this next stage.